Author: V.L. Brunskill

Adopt-ist Entertainment: The Avengers Movie Slams Adoptees

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What the cuss?

Universal Pictures-Problem Child

The recently released Marvel movie “The Avengers” is another example of entertainment media misrepresenting adoptees, the adoption process and even adoption searches.  This most recent adoptee slam comes in the form of a line spit out by the almighty Thor, claiming that his brother Loki is a violent whack job because “he’s adopted.” 

I am not a Comic-Con kind of gal, but I am sure that legions of fans will get a chuckle out of this reference.  It seems that more and more entertainment sources are off their non-adopted rockers when it comes to anything resembling adoption reality.

Case in point, in a recent episode of ABC’s General Hospital, a character named Samantha (Sam) strolls into the hospital where her husband (Jason) was born, asks for his birth records (he is adopted) and is handed everything she asks for without a court order, handshake or even his written permission. Oh, that it were so easy for any adoptee!

Another adoptee media slam from 2010, was in a commercial for  a company called ‘For Eyes’. In their commercial, a  Brad and Angelina lookalike couple  walk into a eyeglass shop, followed  by a bunch of multi-cultural children. They offer to adopt the clerk so she will have a  “better life.”  The DeClassified Adoptee blog has a great post on this.

Even ABC’s hit show, Modern Family, which addresses the sensitive topic of international and gay adoption, with surprisingly effective humor, has made mistakes.  In one episode the gay couple who was searching for a child to adopt, joked that a birth mom asked them to show her son, “all 52 states” and that they would “save him from a life time of trying to find East Dakota.” Not so funny to the birth mothers of the world.

Of course, there is also the 1990 movie Problem Child, which tells the story of an adopted seven-year-old, devil child whose is cruel to animals, sets fires, and pees in inappropriate places.   The list of Adopt-ist media formulas goes on and on.

I am not so thin-skinned that these things keep my awake at night. However, I believe that stereotypes, especially those that are hurtful, damaging or ignorant should die a quick media death. Adoptees portrayed as criminal misfits, birth moms portrayed as idiots, and general misinformation about our struggles to know where we come from, are unacceptable and really…not that funny!

‘Daughters of Deceit’ Book to Present Story of UK Adoption Reunion

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Keep your eye out for a new book, that will chronicle adoptee (and Women’s Open Golf champion) Jenny Lee Smith’s reunion with her birth family in the UK.

Jami Dwyer/Flickr.com

After finding out (late in life) that her parents were not her biological parents,  Jenny sought, and found her birth mother.  Her birth mother died not long after the reunion.

Smith also discovered that she had a half-sister, Helen Edwards.  Helen knew nothing of her sister’s existence. The book, which is being considered by several publishers, was  co-authored by the sisters, and shares the secrets, turmoil and triumphs of their journey to reunion.

You can read more about the book and their story in this Chronicle Live UK article, and more about Helen Edwards & Jenny Lee Smith at their homepage.

Looking forward to this one!

Step-by-Step Adoptee Search Advice from About.com

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While there is no full proof method for finding your birth family, About.com Guide Kimberly Powell has done a nice job of breaking down the initial steps for searching. In the article “Adoption Search -Steps for Locating Adoptees, Birth Parents, and Adoption Records“, Powell offers seven steps to take once you decide to search.

catlovers/Flickr.com

The suggested search steps include:

  1. Write down everything you know, or ever heard about your adoption, birth family, and nationality. Nothing is unimportant! Think of what your relatives have said about your adoption.
  2. Interview your adoptive parents for information. Again, write it all down. Even the tiniest detail may be important.
  3. Gather documents. The article suggests that you ask your birth parents, which is of course a tough step for many adoptees, as they choose not to include the adoptive parents in their search. The article also suggests that you obtain your original adoption decree, amended birth certificate, and petition for adoption. Some states will allow you access to these items (all allow the amended birth certificate). However, in some states the adoption decree can only be requested by the adoptive parents.
  4. Request non-identifying information. I have two posts on this that should be helpful.Letter for Adoptees To Use When Requesting Non-Identifying Information
    Adoptee Search Tip: How Non-Identifying Information Identifies
  5. Register in every reunion registryyou can find. Make sure to look for state registries.  Another AdoptionFind post offers more on these registries and how to find them.Searching Reunion & Mutual Consent Registries
  6. Join a support group. The information shared in these groups, mailing lists and forums is abundant and worthy of your time.
  7. The final suggestion in About.com’s article is to think about using a Certified Intermediary (CI).  The only problem with this is that not all states offer this search assistance. Google on your state to see if they do.

Be sure to read the full article at Adopt.com, as it offers many links to additional information on Search Angels, the I.S.S.R national registry, and to a people search guide.  Although, none of these steps guarantees that you will find your birth parents names (as suggested at the start of the article), the information gathered with these steps may lead to your ultimately finding your family.

Personal note: I did not know my birth mother’s name until after I found my biological Uncle. He told me her name, so that it was not her full name that was crucial. It was my birth surname that aided in the search.

I found my birth name in the NYC Birth Register books. These are housed at the NY Public Library.  Check your city library to see if they have similar books, which break down births by date, and in my case, city Burroughs.  You can then look for the correct gender, and know that one of those kids is you! 

Your surname is the holy grail!

Dear Gov. McDonnell of Virginia, Thanks for the Life Sentence aka ‘Adoption Conscience Clause’

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Here I am, a five-year-old foster care kid, hoping for a forever family. My birth parents, who signed away all rights to me, are out of the picture. They do not send money, gifts, or even best wishes for my birthday.

zax14/flickr.com

For two years, I have waited for a forever family to adopt me.  I have met a couple of families, but so far noone has chosen me. Everyone says that it is  hard for us older foster kids to find a family. I hear that once I get to eight-years-old, my chances of being adopted will be even worse.

I have no real family, no place to lay down my roots, or feel safe, Yet, I am expected to thrive in a world that values family above all things. There have been a couple of nice couples in to see me. One was a couple of ladies, the other was a Jewish family who seemed so loving. I sure wish they could have taken me to my forever home.

They are not allowed though, because I happen to live in Virginia (or maybe its is North Dakota). In these states, the Catholic agency that holds my destiny in their hands, has decided that it’s better for me to remain in foster care, rather than be placed with anyone who is not Catholic.

My drug addicted, abusive birth parents were Catholic, and since they were such upstanding members of  society, I have to be placed with other Catholics. That’s what they wanted. Sure, they left me here and are living proof that claiming a religion does not make you a decent caregiver, but laws in my state say that my Catholic agency can choose to leave me in foster care, rather than allow me to be raised by non-Catholics. It is called an ‘agencies’ freedom of conscience’.

So here I sit, wishing for a forever family, while loving, caring, financially secure, and responsible couples wish for me.  To the politicians, the new laws are a victory. For me, it’s a life sentence.

Thanks for nothing Gov. Bob McDonnell!

Kansas Man Finds Birth Mother After Reading about New Adoption Records Law

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A recent article from The Witchita Eagle, reports on 57-year-old Bob Fowler’s reunion with his birth mother in Kansas, after he read an article about the  availability of non-certified, pre-adoption birth certificates for adoptees in Kansas.

According to the Kansas Historical Society, “Adoption records are open to adoptees 18 years and older. The adoptee has to request the records from the Clerk of the District Court’s office in the county where the adoption occurred. An adoptee can obtain their birth certificate. Proof of identity is required. Descendants of the adoptee cannot view the records. For information about obtaining pre-adoption birth certificates please see the Office of Vital Statistics web page.”

Fowler’s story of reunion is unique because he was never really interested in finding his birth mother. He had a caring adoptive family, and a generally happy life. According to the article, his wife suggested he look for his birth mother saying,

“You might have a hole in your heart you don’t even know about.”

For his birth mother, Cheryl Allenbrand, the timing could not have been better. It turned out that Allenbrand, who  gave Fowler up for adoption when she was only 15-years-old, had buried all three of the biological children whom she raised.  Thoughts of the child she gave up haunted her.
This is a happy adoption reunion story worth reading.  It is also a reminder, that even adoptees who think they do not need to know their biological family, often find comfort and wholeness in  reunion.
The full story is here: Mother, child reunion took 57 years.

Illinois Adoptee Access to OBCs Stands, Additional Access Stalls

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Recently,the St. Louis Post-Dispatch published an article titled, Illinois adoption records legislation fails amid abortion debate. The article discussed the failure of open records adoption legislation in Illinois. Since I recently  blogged on the success of the ‘ OBC (Original Birth Certificate) adoptee access law’ that passed in 2010 , the article was confusing, and as it turns out, a tad misleading.

Sara Feigenholtz

To assure that adoptees understand the status of records access in Illinois, I contacted the office of Illinois State Rep. Sara Feigenholtz.  Feigenholtz, an adoptee herself, sponsored the adoption legislation in question.

A representative from her office  contacted me and explained that the St. Louis Post-Dispatch article refers to an entirely separate piece of proposed legislation.  The legislation, which is currently “postponed for consideration” refers to access to the adoption decree.  An adoption decree is a document, filed at the time of the adoption. This  is a sealed court document. However, adoptive parents or the ‘attorney of record’ can access this document at anytime, without any special cause or reason.

The new bill, proposes that adult adoptees be allowed access to the adoption decree if they:

  • Have their Original Birth Certificate, with no redacted info (adoptees not subject to denial of information)

OR

  • Have a letter from the state saying that their original birth certificate could not be found.

Illinois adoption decree

While the new bill might be controversial, because of personal and potentially damaging information that could be included on the decree (i.e. a birthmother’s unfit status, criminal record,  drug use), this is NOT the reason the bill failed, after the last round of discussion.

Instead, debate on this bill was about abortion.  Lobbyists claimed (and some state reps agreed) that if a birthmother thinks the adoptee will have access to the adoption decree, they are more likely to choose abortion.

Hello? First of all, adult adoptees already have access to their original birth certificates in Illinois. Secondly, adoptive parents are already granted access to the document. So, if an adult adoptee asks their adoptive parents to help out, they can already get this document. Plus, the bill would not allow adoptee’s access to the decree, if the birthmother has asked for a “denial of information’ or to “opt out” of contact.  So this legislation makes absolutely zero change to a birthmother’s  right to confidentiality.

Abortion rates have nothing to do with the proposed legislation. Birdbrain lobbyists should actually think before they squawk!

You can  follow the progress of this bill at the Illinois General Assembly site or you can visit Illinois State Rep. Sara Feigenholtz‘s site to learn more.

Why Adoptees Search: Videos of Hope & Reunion

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When the road is hard, and there seems no chance of reunion, why do adoptees persevere?

Today, I remind you that your journey to wholeness is possible, relevant, and necessary.  These touching videos are about adoptees who have succeeded.

Get out the tissues, as these stories are what your dreams are made of.

Adoption Reunion after 53 years:
six siblings found

Adoptee Reunites with her Mom

Tammy’s Book:
A mother & daughter reunion

Letter for Adoptees To Use When Requesting Non-Identifying Information

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feverblue/Flickr.com

Recent contact with a reader, who just decided to search, reminded me of the overwhelming confusion that even the terminology of adoption searches can bring.  Who else in the world, but an adoptee, would ever use the term  ‘non-identifying information’?

For adoptees, it is the only information that most states allow us to obtain from our sealed records.  Once you know the agency/lawyer that placed you, you should e-mail and snail mail, the letter below as soon as possible.

Be sure to include your mailing address and full contact information in the letter and email.

Warning: there may be a charge for this service.

As I posted recently, your non-identifying information will be more identifying than you think. Feel free to copy and paste this example.
———————————————————————————————

Hello:

My name is (NAME). I was born on ( DOB) in (CITY), (STATE). I was adopted at birth by (adopted parent’s names). My adoption was was handled by your agency/organization. I would like to request all non-identifying information related to my adoption, as mandated by state law.

In addition to the non-identifying information, please send me copies of all original documents with identifying info whited out, plus any photos of me from before my adoption.

Please include the following in the non-identifying information:

  • The age of my parents at the time of my birth
  • My given name at time of birth
  • My mothers weight, height, hair color, eye color, general appearance
  • Any educational information, certificates, degrees held
  • Any religious background or affiliations
  • My birthparents ethnic origins (Irish/Italian etc.)
  • The number of sisters/brothers my birthmother had at the time of my birth, plus their ages/occupations.
  • Any information on my birthparents upbringing, including places of birth, and where they resided at the time of my birth.
  • Information on chosen occupations, certifications, honors, military service
  • Any information on my birth grandparents ages/ethnic backgrounds/religion/occupations/education
  • All other non-identifying information including hobbies, talents, and interests

In addition, please examine my file to see if my biological mother and/or father placed there, a consent form granting permission to disclose identifying  information. Also please check for contact permission/consent forms. After, you reply, please place this request in my file to indicate my full permission for contact.

If the records of my adoption are no longer held by your organization, please inform me of where they are now stored.

Thank you.
————————————-END————————————————–


Illinois Law Changes Adoptee’s Lives: Original Birth Certificates Await

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In 2010, Illinois passed a law allowing adoptees to access their original birth certificates. According to a Chicago Tribune article this week, the subsequent influx of requests is causing a backlog at the Department of Public Heath, and a bevy of beautiful reunions.

The Tribune also reports that 5,485 adoptees have applied for copies of their original birth certificates under the law, and “according to the Illinois Department of Public Health, there are about 250,000 adoptees eligible to apply for their birth certificates.”

Below  is a video of Governor Quinn announcing the signing of Public Act 96-0895.

I am sharing this “old” news to make more adoptees aware of the law, and because the recent Chicago Tribune article  reveals a few of the amazing reunions made possible by the law.  During the 7 years I searched for my birthmother, reunion stories were a source of inspiration, and reminded me that there was a real live family at the end of the rocky road.

The Illinois Department of Public Health has a FAQ page for those who would like to request a non-certified copy of their original birth certificates.  This page also includes links to the required forms.

Adoption Not Magic: Babies Don’t Disappear, They Grow Up

/ V.L. Brunskill / 1 Comment

I wrote this as a reply to a reader’s comment on my post titled “RI Adoptees over 25 Years Allowed Original Birth Certificates.”

A women named Lisa Marie posted a thoughtful comment that starts, “How sad for all those birth parents who chose adoption over abortion expecting to be able to have privacy. Since the 1970′s birth parents could have chosen an open adoption if they didn’t care about privacy. The majority didn’t.”

You can visit the post to view her comment, in it’s entirety.

summerandstephen/Flickr.com

My reply:

First of all thank you for sharing your opinions here. You make some good points. However, all of them assume that a birth parent’s rights are more important than those of the adoptee. Adoptees did not sign away their rights. Identity is a human right. I do not think that adoptees should come strolling into birthparents lives, without some other communication first, letters, phone calls, perhaps even an intermediary.  When I searched, I did not even tell my Uncle, who I found first, that I was his sister’s child.  I was careful, gentle, and protective. Her’s was not my secret to tell.

However, it is my human right to know that I inherited my nose from my grandfather, my love of writing from my grandmother, my outspokenness from my birthfather. It is my human right to know that “sugar” issues run in the family. It was my human right, and innate pleasure, to stand on the foundation of the first Richard’s house built in Newfoundland, Canada, which was built by my great, great, great, great grandfather. It is my human right to look into the eyes of the woman who bore me, and ask, ‘Why?”

Surely, no one who gives birth, and chooses to give away the child, for whatever reason, can believe that their rights are more important than those of the child they gave up.  The very least they can do, is to share photos, medical information, personal family history.

The very least they can do is complete the identity they started.

Not all adoptees search, and not all birthmothers cower in fear.  We are all unique beings, and adoptees deserve to know how they became the people that they are.

Adoption is not a magic. Babies do not disappear into a void, never to be heard from again. We are real living, breathing people who deserve the same history, and wholeness of being that every non-adoptee takes for granted.