Adoption Book List

Readers of adoptionfind often ask me to recommend adoption books. While weighted heavily with publications focused on adopters rather than adoptees, there are some excellent books included in this ChicagoNow.com list of Top Adoption Books. books

In my opinion, Primal Wound by Nancy Newton Verrier is by far the best book for adoptees who seek to heal. Whether or not you know it yet, there is a lot of healing to be done.

I also just finished reading, Proof of Heaven by Eben Alexander, and while it is primarily a book about his near death experience, I highly recommend this book for adoptees.

Alexander is an adoptee who for most of his life he did not want to find his birth family. However, as a adult he went through a period of depression that left him feeling less like a successful neurosurgeon and more like an orphan. Upon analyzing his true feelings, Alexander found that he needed to know who his birth family was in order to feel complete.

Happy reading dear readers!

Blessings for a million inspired words,
Vicki-lynn

Adopted Identical Twins Find Each Other on Facebook

Happy Thursday! Today, I am sharing a twin reunion story that is sure to melt a few hearts. Every adoptee has a core need to connect with his or her genetic reality. Some adoptees choose to ignore the need. Many, like me and you, spend hundreds of hours and dollars searching for what is inherently ours.

During my own reunion, I discovered that I had inherited a magnitude of  tendencies, talents and physical attributes from my birth family. It is hard to imagine the knee-buckling emotional and mental connection that Anais Bordier and Samantha Futerman will share for the rest of their days.

Read more about their miraculous reunion in this Telegraph article.  The girls used Kickstarter.com to raise funds to produce a documentary about their reunion. I can’t wait to see the full production. A YouTube preview of ‘Twinsters’ is embedded below.

Blessings for your own miraculous discovery,Vicki-lynn

34 Years Later- NJ Equal Access Bill Inches Forward

New Jersey adoptees may finally be closer to obtaining their original birth certificates and health records.
Bill A-1259, which has been bandied about for more than three decades was recently approved by the NJ Senate Health and Human Services Committee, and the Assembly Human Services Committee. This is the same bill that was passed by both legislative houses in 2011, only to be conditionally vetoed by Gov. Chris Christie.

Check out the full story at NJSpotlight.com.
Bill Would Give Adoptees Access to Medical History, Info About Birth Parents (via NJSpotlight)At a time when the understanding and treatment of inherited disorders has grown by leaps and bounds, one group has not had access to any information about their family’s medical history – people whose biological parents’ names were sealed when…

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Nominate Your Fav Adoption Search Angel by February 17

A Spokeo Search Angels Award representative contacted me in hopes that Adoption Find blog readers will help them find the best search angel in the land.

According to a Spokeo, this wonderful program, “recognizes, honors and supports volunteers who donate their time to help adult adoptees and others, search for and reunite with their birth families.”spokeo

Nominations for Search Angels are being accepted at www.SpokeoAngels.com through February 17. Winners will receive a cash grant, a Spokeo membership, and a reunion sponsorship opportunity.

Nominations can be made for a Search Angel or by a Search Angel. So if you happen to be one of the blessed individuals in our adoption world who works tirelessly to reunite adoptees and birth families, go ahead and nominate yourself!

Blessings for all search angels,

Vickilynn

Great News for Ohio Adoptees

Get ready Ohio adoptees born between Jan. 1, 1964, and Sept. 18, 1996. An open records bill has passed in the Ohio House and is heading to Governor John Kasich, who is expected to sign it into law.

All members of the adoption traid are encouraged to contact the Governor using the contact form link here- http://www.governor.ohio.gov/Contact/ContacttheGovernor.aspx 

Let him know why this law is important to you, and be sure to thank him when he signs it into law!

Read the full story here-

Bill granting 400,000 adoptees access to birth records clears General Assembly, heads to Gov. John Kasich for signing

Blessings for a season of hope, and reunion,
Vicki-lynn

Washington State Adoptees- Original Birth Records to Open July 1, 2014

State by state and crumb by crumb, adoptees continue to gain access to their God-given rights.  Today’s good news comes from top left side of our fabulous country. Washington State adoptees will be able to obtain their original birth records starting on July 1, 2014.washington

According to a News Tribune article published in May 2013 when the legislation was approved, “House Bill 1525 — allows those adopted before October 1993 to obtain copies of their original birth certificates identifying their birth mothers and possibly fathers, provided those parents have not filed papers to prevent the release.

Under the state’s old law, those adopted after Oct. 1, 1993, can access original birth records without court orders. Records can be requested once the adoptee turns 18.”

For more on how to request an original birth certificate, visit the Washington State Department of Health Site. There is a full  description of the law and who is allowed access here.

As usual, the new open records legislation comes with an ugly  ‘opt-out’ option for birth parents who do not wish  to be contacted.  If only adoptees could opt-out of having their heritage stolen and their lives mired in secrecy. Open records should apply to everyone!

Blessings for a country where freedom-for-all finally includes adoptees,
Vicki-lynn

It’s Nightmare Adoptive Parent Week on Dr. Phil

So far this week, the Dr. Phil Show has showcased two horror stories about adoptive parents who harmed the children they pledged to raise. I am not a regular Dr. Phil watcher but this week’s story lines captured my attention since each episode showcases an absolute failure of the adoption system, and the need for better screening, enforcement and mandated checks on families AFTER the adoption is final.

The suffering shared on yesterday’s show made me so angry that I ended up yelling at the screen.  Well gosh golly, I found me a racist sexual predator and ignorant wanna-be mother! Gee whiz, let’s give that couple a kid. UGH!

There are many abusive blood parents in the the world too, but there’s something about the abuse and neglect of children at the hands of adoptive parents that makes me insane! When a couple is gifted and assigned to act as legal guardians of a child, they better be ready to walk-the-walk, talk-the-talk, and put in the hard work required to parent that child until they are 18-years old. Failure to do so is an unforgivable sin against the birth parents who could not or would not raise the child.

No matter the source, child abuse results in scars. However, the scars suffered by children adopted into ‘safe’ homes and abused by the very people meant to protect them is a scar on society and the entire adoption system.

Sharing the links and summaries from the Dr. Phil Show below.  The adoption system is just not working folks. If you are one of the happy, bappy, believers that the system is a wonderful fix for needy kids, watch these episodes

Turning a Blind Eye?

Thirty-five-year-old Tonya says from ages 5 to 15, her adoptive father, Bruce, molested her — and that despite her cries for help, her mother, Kathy, did nothing to stop it. Kathy admits that she believed her daughter’s claims but was too afraid to take action. Why did she allow Bruce to live in the same house as her daughter — even after he allegedly admitted to the abuse? Tonya says she was not only betrayed by her mother but also her half-sister, Sarah, Bruce’s biological daughter. Tonya claims that Sarah continued to support her father after he pleaded guilty to sexual acts on or in the presence of a child under 16 in a lewd, lascivious or indecent manner. Tonya faces Kathy and Sarah on Dr. Phil’s stage. Can she find forgiveness and finally heal the wounds of her painful past? Plus, hear from Bruce, who served one year in prison and 10 years of probation and is now a registered sex offender. Does he have any remorse? This show contains strong sexual content. Viewer discretion advised.

Tuesday – August 20, 2013

Missing or Murdered: Where is 15-Year-Old Erica?

In a daytime exclusive, Dr. Phil sits down with the adoptive parents of 15-year-old Erica Parsons, who was last seen nearly two years ago but was only recently reported missing — by her brother. Casey and Sandy claim their daughter is alive and well and has been living with “Nan,” a woman who they believe is Erica’s biological grandmother. So, where is Nan? And, why do these parents say they’re now being accused of murder? What really happened to Erica?

Blessing for placements that protect,Vicki-lynn

SC Cherokee Adoption War: Reader Comment on Father’s Rights

Yesterday, I blogged about the South Carolina case of  Matt and Melanie Capobianco’s custody war against birth father, Dusten Brown. The case has garnered mainstream press attention because the birth father is Native American. Brown’s attorneys used the Indian Child Welfare Act in their fight to secure custody of his daughter who was adopted by the Capobiancos.

My post resulted in 21 thought-provoking, fact laden comments that prove the case should not have been fought on the basis of Brown being Cherokee, but on the fact that he fought for his child from the start. Press accounts make it sound as if he stepped into the child’s life when she was one or two-years old. This is not the case.

So with tail between my linguistic legs, I apologize for the tone of yesterday’s post. For while it never suggests that the child is better off adopted, it does have a tone that could be taken to support the adoption of kids that do not need adopting.  I read several mainstream reports on the case, but failed to dig deeper before tip-tapping my opinion onto the screen.

I still don’t believe in a law that suggests children must be placed with their ‘own kind’. A policy like this would leave more kids in the social service system than ever before. However, in this case, it is Brown’s status as biological father and not as Cherokee that gives him the right to raise his child.

This lengthy comments spells out the father’s case. Thanks to reader ‘Smoke’  for submitting.
Smoke | August 8, 2013 at 4:43 pm | Reply | Edit

1. “He signed his rights away.”
TRUTH:
“It is undisputed that the only consent document Father ever signed was a one-page ‘Acceptance of Service’ stating he was not contesting the adoption, which was purportedly presented for Father’s signature as a prerequisite to the service of a summons and complaint. Thus, Appellants did not follow the clear procedural directives of section 1913(a) in obtaining Father’s consent. Moreover, even if this ‘consent’ was valid under the statute, then Father’s subsequent legal campaign to obtain custody of Baby Girl has rendered any such consent withdrawn. Therefore, neither Father’s signature on the ‘Acceptance of Service’ document, nor his stated intentions to relinquish his rights, were effectual forms of voluntary consent under the ICWA.” – South Carolina Supreme Court There is a legal way to “sign away rights” for good reason, Dusten never came close to any legal relinquishment of parental rights.

2. “He texted his rights away”
TRUTH:
In no state in the country can a father relinquish parental rights by text message. These text messages WERE NOT EVIDENCE at trial because the attorney for the Adoptive Couple would not produce the phone that showed Birth Mother’s messages to father, instead they attempted to introduce photocopies, even though the cell phone was allegedly in a safe at the office of the Guardian Ad Litem’s attorney. The Family Court did not consider these text messages as evidence.

3. “He abandoned his daughter”
TRUTH:
“All attempts to contact Maldonado by Brown and his family members were refused by Maldonado. Shortly after the child’s birth, Brown’s family members purchased some items for the child and attempted to deliver them to Maldonado, but these were rejected. It was clear that Maldonado wanted to have Brown completely and permanently removed from her life and placing the child for adoption without his knowledge or consent would further this goal.” – Family Court “Father testified he asked friends and family if they had seen Mother because she would not reply to his text messages. His mother testified she attempted to contact Mother on several occasions and once left Mother a voice message before Baby Girl’s birth to tell Mother she had money and some gifts for the baby, including items she hand-knitted, but Mother never returned her telephone calls. Mother testified that none of Father’s family members contacted her regarding gifts for Baby Girl.” – Family Court The Family Court repeatedly stated that it did “not find birth mother’s testimony credible.” – Family Court Bench Ruling, United States Supreme Court Brief

4. “It is in Veronica’s best interest to be adopted”
TRUTH:
The only findings based on evidence of Veronica’s best interests found that she should be with her father.

“Brown is the father of another daughter. The undisputed testimony is that he is a loving and devoted father. Even Maldonado herself testified that he was a good father. There is no evidence to suggest that he would be anything other than an excellent parent to this child. . . . Brown has convinced me of his unwavering love for this child.” – Family Court

“The family court order stated, ‘[w]hen parental rights and the best interests of the child are in conflict, the best interests of the child must prevail. However, in this case, I find no conflict between the two.’ Likewise, we cannot say that Baby Girl’s best interests are not served by the grant of custody to Father, as Appellants have not presented evidence that Baby Girl would not be safe, loved, and cared for if raised by Father and his family.” South Carolina Supreme Court

“Plainly, the family court determined that there was no conflict between Father’s best interests and Baby Girl’s best interests.” – South Carolina Supreme Court

5. “He’s not really ‘Indian’”
TRUTH:
Dusten Brown has been a registered citizen of the Cherokee Nation since he was a child. Further, the South Carolina Supreme Court found true cultural ties to the Cherokee Nation:

“The Record establishes that Father’s family has a deeply embedded relationship with the Cherokee Nation. For example, not only does the Record indicate that Father and his family are proud of their heritage and membership in the Wolf Clan, the home study performed on Father’s parents states the following:

[Father’s father] is Cherokee Indian. He grew up knowing he was Cherokee and being proud of who he was. [Father’s parents] . . . prepare the following traditional foods in their home: grape dumplings, buckskin bread, Indian cornbread, Indian tacos, wild onions, fry bread, polk salad and deer meat. [Father’s mother] state[d] she cooks these foods in her home on a regular basis and all of her children have eaten these items.

[Father’s parents] attend the Cherokee Holiday in Tahlequah, Oklahoma[,] when they can and do participate in eating traditional foods, viewing the arts and crafts and watching the traditional games. [Father’s father] participates in voting in the Cherokee elections[,] . . . . took part in learning about the Cherokee culture when his children were in high school by learning to make Indian crafts and learning to play the drum[, and] . . . . is sometimes seen at the Nowata Indian Health Clinic but receives the majority of his health care from the Veterans hospital. He claims his family is from the Wolf Clan, and he has been to, as well as participated, in stomp dances.

[H]is family had Indian land which was located in Pryor, Oklahoma and Cayuga, Oklahoma. He claims to have very traditional ties with his extended family and considers geneology [sic] a hobby by researching his Cherokee culture. [Father’s parents] have many Native American items in their home. Decorative Native American pieces are scattered throughout their home in nearly every room.

Thus, the Record demonstrates that Father and his family are well-positioned to introduce Baby Girl to her Indian heritage.”

6. “He just wants her for money.”
TRUTH:
As all Cherokee Nation citizens know, we don’t get any money for “being Cherokee” or for having “Cherokee kids.” The only people who have made money in this case are the adoption agencies and attorneys.

7. “Cherokee Nation paid Dusten’s legal expenses”
TRUTH:
Cherokee Nation has never spent a single a dime on attorney fees for Dusten Brown. He and his family used every extra dollar they had to pay for attorneys and after that was exhausted, Dusten’s amazing attorneys donated their time because they believed in him and believed that Veronica belonged with her father.

8. “We didn’t know Veronica was Cherokee.”
TRUTH:
“Mother testified that she knew “from the beginning” that Father was a registered citizen of the Cherokee Nation, and that she deemed this information “important” throughout the adoption process. Further, she testified she knew that if the Cherokee Nation were alerted to Baby Girl’s status as an Indian child, “some things were going to come into effect, but [she] wasn’t for [sic] sure what.” Mother reported Father’s Indian heritage on the Nightlight Agency’s adoption form and testified she made Father’s Indian heritage known to Appellants and every agency involved in the adoption. However, it appears that there were some efforts to conceal his Indian status. In fact, the pre-placement form reflects Mother’s reluctance to share this information:

Initially the birth mother did not wish to identify the father, said she wanted to keep things low-key as possible for the [Appellants], because he’s registered in the Cherokee tribe. It was determined that naming him would be detrimental to the adoption.”

“Adoptive Mother testified that, because they hired an attorney to specifically inquire about the baby’s Cherokee Indian status, ‘when she was born, we were under the impression that she was not Cherokee.’” But, “Adoptive Mother testified that the Nightlight Agency’s pre-placement report was ‘probably . . . something I read and didn’t think twice about it.’”

9. “The Guardian Ad Litem supports the Adoption”
TRUTH:
The Family Court appointed a guardian ad litem (“GAL”) who has filed a brief in this Court that purports to be on behalf of Baby Girl and asserts that Baby Girl’s interests would be best served by awarding custody to petitioners. In fact, the GAL is not a neutral party. Although appointed by the Family Court, that court noted that the GAL and her attorney both “were unilaterally selected by [petitioners’] counsel”; the GAL had a continuing business relationship with petitioners’ attorney, with whom she had worked frequently in cases in 2009.

In this case, although the GAL had performed a comprehensive home study of petitioners, she resisted repeated requests from Father’s attorney to conduct a home study of Father. When the GAL finally did conduct such a study, well over a year after her appointment and some five months after counsel’s request, she informed Father and his family that “she knew the adoptive couple prior to the child being placed in their home” and “had worked with them before the child had been placed”; that petitioners were a well-educated couple with a beautiful home, could afford to send Baby Girl to any private school that they chose and, when she was older, to any college she wanted; and that there was nothing that Baby Girl needed that petitioners could not buy for her.

The GAL therefore told Father’s family that they “really need[ed] to get down on [their] knees and pray to God that [they] can make the right decision for this baby” (id. at 148), and they “needed to talk to God and pray about taking the child from the only family that she has known.” At trial, Father stated that the GAL treated him and his family as “a bunch of * * * rednecks that can’t * * * afford anything, that we’re not able to provide this child with proper education, schooling * * *. Pretty much that we weren’t fit to love this child and raise her.”

The GAL’s initial report did not note Baby Girl’s Native American heritage because the GAL thought that was “not something * * * the courts need to take into consideration.” As for the GAL’s view of Native American culture, she stated that the advantages of having Native American heritage “include[ed] free lunches and free medical care and that they did have their little get togethers and their little dances.” Given the GAL’s obvious bias, respondents initially sought her removal.

But rather than delay the proceedings, respondents ultimately withdrew this motion on the understanding that the Family Court would not consider either the GAL’s conclusion regarding Baby Girl’s best interests or the GAL’s custody recommendation. See Pet. Indeed, South Carolina law precludes a guardian ad litem in a private adoption from providing a custody recommendation unless one is requested by the court; no such request was made here. – United States Supreme Court Brief by Father
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Blessings for the truth to be told and the power to admit when we are mistaken,
Vicki-lynn

SC Cherokee Adoption War: Blame Indian Child Welfare Act

Matt and Melanie Capobianco adopted a little girl through the legal adoption process in South Carolina. Two years into raising her (in what is reported to be a sound, loving home) the child was legally removed from them by the biological father. In as yucky a custody battle as the adoption world has seen in some time, the child stayed with the father for a year as lawyers played ping-pong with her life.  The birth mother did not want the child removed from her adoptive family.

cherokee

Learn more about the Cherokee Nation in this book.

The birth father, Dusten Brown, won temporary custody solely because he is Cherokee Indian. He fought for his right to raise the child based on the Indian Child Welfare Act which says that American Indian children should not be adopted by non-Indian adoptive or foster parents.

This case ruffled my headdress for several reasons. First, I am 1/4 Cherokee on my birth father’s side. I did not discover this fact until I found my birth father when I was 30-years-old.  My birth father wanted nothing to do with my birth mother once he knew she was pregnant. In fact, he tried to convince her to have an abortion. So no matter what the law suggests, I would not have been better off with my Cherokee blood relatives simply because they were Indian.

The second thing about this case that makes me see red is the whole premise of the Indian Child Welfare Act.  The idea that a child is better off with its own race, creed, or  nationality is outdated and ridiculous in a country of mixed marriages, mixed race adoptions, and international adoption. The Indian Child Welfare Act claims that Indians should stay with Indians whenever possible.

I know that the Cherokee Nation lost everything when white men tricked, cheated, and stole it from them. A travesty on which we built a country.  I am also aware that poverty among Cherokees in 1978, when the Indian Welfare Act came to be, was astronomical.  Just as in most poverty-ridden communities, relinquishment of children was on the rise and Native Americans did not want to lose their heritage (children) to outsiders.

Sound familiar?  Every third-world country from which US citizens adopt, suffers the same stolen heritage. However, we allow and encourage these adoptions without restrictions of race, color or tribe.  American Indian children should have the same opportunities, rights and rules as other children adopted in the United States. Period.

UPDATE- Please take a look at the comments on this case. Seems the birth father was in the picture from the start and not from the age of one, as the news reports suggest.  So I agree that the father’s rights were violated. However, NOT due to his being Indian. See comments for more and thanks readers for setting me straight on the bigger picture.

What do you think? Look forward to your comments!
Blessings for forever homes free from bias, abuse and unwarranted separations,

Vicki-lynn