Rants and Raves

March 13,1968 in New York City: A Baby Boy is Born

/ V.L. Brunskill / Leave a comment

Today is my adoptive brother’s birthday. He is a very special, caring man, who works hard, and adores his daughter.  He has a generous sense of humor, friends who love him, and a heart of gold.

lokate366/Flickr.com

He has been a blessing in my life, and I know, if only we could locate his birthfamily, he would be a blessing in theirs as well. I will not share his new name.

At birth, we believe he was named Peter Mathewson.
He was born in New York City on 3/13/68.

His birthmother was an art student, and of French lineage. His birthfather was Italian and possibly American Indian.  Someone in his birthmother’s family attended an Ivy league college. Her family was from New England.

That is what we know.  I have searched for his birthfamily on and off for years.
If you know anything about the birth of this beautiful little boy, who grew (despite a truckload of turmoil) into a brave, strong man, please email me: vbrunskill at gmail.com

We are not sure about the spelling of his last name, and of course the details revealed in his non-identifying information may be slightly off.

We only know that despite my search attempts, I have not been able to find them. He would like a photo, medical info, and a glimpse into the information that is his birth right.

Happy Birthday Baby Brother!

West’s NEED for Children Brings Pain to Nepal’s Families

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In Nepal, child trafficking is a national crisis. Children are being purchased from poor parents for as little as $15, and sold to children’s homes in Kathmandu. Parents are persuaded that their children will have a  better life in, and sell them in hopes of a bright future.

Drnantu/Flickr.com

According to an article at RT.com, there are, “around 15,000 children living in orphanages in Kathmandu.” At least 500 orphanages exist in the area, and only eleven  are regulated by the government. Conditions in the orphanages are treacherous, with care givers rationing food, and beating children.

So what makes these children so valuable a commodity, that they’re being rounded up by the thousands?

The need/demand for adoptable children in the West is causing this human tragedy. A family abroad in willing to pay $25,000 for one child. Therefore, children who already have parents are being purchased, and forced to live in slum orphanages.

To make matters worse, the Nepalese government currently “has a freeze on child adoption to Western countries due to rampant cases of abuse, fake documents and false statements.”  So the children are no longer with their biological parents, and have no hope of being adopted by the rich Western family their parents were promised.

Horrible, deplorable, despicable… all  of these words understate my outrage.  I am not faulting Western families for wanting children, but I wonder how this demand for babies is playing out in other countries.  Surely, Nepal is not the only country where crooks recognize the opportunity to make money from selling kids to the West.

Adoption must become a centralized process, with an international group overseeing it. Of course, we don’t even have a centralized system for adoption in America, (every state has its own rules &  baby brokers still exist) so standards, legislation, and protective processes for worldwide adoptions are as likely as Bigfoot knocking at my front door!

When a North American or European family dolls out $25,000 to adopt a child internationally, what is the human cost?

Life in Limbo: Encouragement for those in Search

/ V.L. Brunskill / 2 Comments

WilsonB/Flickr.com

“In all of us there is a hunger, marrow-deep, to know our heritage, to know who we are —and where we have come from. Without this enriching knowledge, there is a hollow yearning, there is the most disquieting — loneliness.”- Alex Haley – Roots

I share this quote today to encourage adoptees in search, and to remind everyone of the normalcy of the need to know.  You are the product of past generations, and deserve to know everything that went into the making of you.

As I work on my book, I often reflect on the past with disappointment. My formative  writing years and the idea of a writing career, started after I was reunited with my birth family. Before that reunion, my focus was clouded by a sense of incompleteness.  I was a stranger to everyone, even myself,  a blank slate,  looking, clinging and begging for a genetic map to guide me.

There is a sense of mourning that comes with wondering who I might have been by now, how many books I might have published, if only I was whole enough to begin writing novels earlier in life.

Many adoptees feel as if their lives are stalled,  in limbo, until they search. The search, even when unsuccessful is a vehicle to freedom. Finding is a miraculous rebirth, where two become one. Suddenly, the infant with one set of parents, is an identifiable part of the adoptee whose surroundings are a foreign landscape to which they have adapted.

Of course, much of the content in my book ‘Waving Backwards’ could not exist without the experience of searching seven years for my birthmother and another five for my birthfather.  The need to know was overwhelming and all encompassing, and those feelings deserved to be explored and shared.  So the very thing that held me back from finding my life’s passion, is also the thing that enables my first novel to exist.

Many adoptees are labeled angry or insensitive for demanding open records. If only we thought of their searches as essential to ignite the meaningful endeavors of their lives, perhaps we would not judge as harshly.

Russia to Suspend Adoptions to US: System Needs Monitoring

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The adoption system in America is a wonderful idea, especially when it successfully places orphaned/needy children (no matter their origin) with caring, loving, forever parents. However, the system requires monitoring, and an adequate screening process for adoptive families.  Wanting a child, and having a big enough bankroll ( $8,000-$40,000) should not guarantee you a child.

Archer 10/flickr.com

Many believe that prospective adoptive parents are carefully screened, and subsequently monitored to assure the health and well-being of the adoptee. Not so,  as evidenced in the recent announcement by Russia to temporarily suspend adoptions to the USA. Note that the ban specifically targets America!

It’s wonderful that someone is finally taking note of the lackadaisical placement of children in American homes through adoption, and the astounding  rate of adoptee abuse.   Bravo, Russia for taking notice of what Americans ignore!

The article “Russia Considers Suspending Adoptions to US” at ABCnews.com reports that Russia wants an “accord to better measure the welfare of adopted Russian children in America.” This comes after a Tennessee woman put her Russian born adopted 7-year-old on a plane back to Russia, due to his violent behavior, and last November’s  death of Nathanial Craver,  a 7-year old Russian  adoptee killed by his adoptive parents.

Russia is asking for regular visits to the homes of adopted children in the United States, and psychological testing of adoptive parents.  Shouldn’t this be the standard for adoptions of ALL children, from ALL nations?

You can read more on these cases here:

The New York Times: Russia Attacks Sentence of Adoptee’s Parents

LI Families: A 2006 case of adoptee Russian adoptee killed in US

About.com:  Review of several cases of Russian adoptees killed by US parents

Sealed Birth Certificates: Violation of Civil Rights?

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One year ago, Adam Pertman, author of the  book, “Adoption Nation: How the Adoption Revolution is Transforming Our Families – and America,” wrote a ‘Huffington Post‘ article comparing the withholding of adoptee’s original birth certificates, to women’s suffrage, and the fight for African American equal rights.

Click to purchase at Amazon.com

Pertman wrote, “it’s about providing legal and moral equality for a segment of our population that is not generally perceived as deprived of any rights: the approximately 7 million Americans who were adopted into their families. And the right denied to most of them is so basic that it almost sounds like a joke: access to their own original birth certificates.”

I agree, wholeheartedly. As an adoptee who found both birthparents, and openly shared this with both adoptive parents, I am still denied my original birth certificate.  Who are they protecting?  In New York, where my adoption took place, records for all traditional adoptions are sealed. This is the case in most American states.

Adoptees should have the same right to information as everyone in America. We did not sign any papers, approving the withholding of information, and should not be held accountable for the actions of adoptive and birth parents, especially once we reach adulthood.  While so many, fight hard for American Civil Rights, our minority is expected to accept the indignity of a stolen identity with a shrug and a smile.

Pertman, a non-adoptee, concluded in the Huffington Post article,  “We should care, and we should feel outraged, for the same reason so many men supported suffrage for women and so many white Americans joined the civil rights struggle — because we should find it offensive when any minority group in society is deprived of equal rights.”

Bravo, Mr. Pertman, Bravo! You can learn more about the man and his Pulitzer-nominated work at the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute site. Pertman is Executive Director.

Agency Sued for Placing Child in Abusive Home

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The Anchorage Press recently reported on an adopted child, who is suing the Alaska Office of Child Services and the Anchorage Police Department, for the being placed in a home run by accused, abusive single mother- Anya James.

photograsaur/Flickr.com

Six children were removed from James’ home in October 2010, after kidnapping and assault charges were filed. The children were denied nourishment, and use of the bathroom, and the accuser (one of six children placed in the home) ran away several times, only to be returned.

The suit seeks more than$100,000.

As an adoptee, placed in an abusive home, this suit is certainly an eye-opener. I informed the police about the abuse in our home, yet no one ever questioned my placement. Background checks are needed, but frequent ‘forward’ checks are crucial to the safety of adopted and foster children.

Three years after my placement, my adopted brother was placed (by the same agency) with the same family. A simple check of ambulance and police records would have uncovered my adoptive mother’s medical treatment, and  the reports of domestic abuse. She never pressed charges for fear of retaliation, however abuse was clearly present.

I wonder what the statute of limitations is for suing those tasked with acting in the best interest of the child?

You can read the details of the case at The Anchorage Press.

Jenny Bowen: A Blessing to China’s Orphans

/ V.L. Brunskill / 1 Comment

This morning, the Today Show featured a story on Jenny Bowen,  who gives the  forgotten babies of China, a happier and healthier existence. Her  ‘Half the Sky Foundation’ reaches across thousands of miles, to hire Chinese Nanny’s to interact with babies in orphanages. She now has approximately 1,800 employees working in 51 Chinese cities.

photo by Half The Sky Foundation

Jenny’s drive to change China’s handling of abandoned children, was ignited after she adopted  a baby girl named Maya in 1996. The beautiful three-year-old from China was devoid of emotion.  She did not smile. She did not laugh. She was a blank slate due to a lack of  human interaction at the orphanage where she (and thousands of others)  were raised.

You can read more about Jenny Bowen’s joyful  success in this Encore. org article.

While I resided in foster care for only eight months, I have often wondered about the care givers who took me in.  It is a blessing to know that people like Jenny Bowen are out there fighting for children who cannot fight for themselves.

Her work is miraculous and requires funding. To donate to this worthwhile cause- visit the Half the Sky Foundation website. To contact Jenny directly email- jenny@halfthesky.org.