adoption reunion

Step-by-Step Adoptee Search Advice from About.com

/ V.L. Brunskill / 1 Comment

While there is no full proof method for finding your birth family, About.com Guide Kimberly Powell has done a nice job of breaking down the initial steps for searching. In the article “Adoption Search -Steps for Locating Adoptees, Birth Parents, and Adoption Records“, Powell offers seven steps to take once you decide to search.

catlovers/Flickr.com

The suggested search steps include:

  1. Write down everything you know, or ever heard about your adoption, birth family, and nationality. Nothing is unimportant! Think of what your relatives have said about your adoption.
  2. Interview your adoptive parents for information. Again, write it all down. Even the tiniest detail may be important.
  3. Gather documents. The article suggests that you ask your birth parents, which is of course a tough step for many adoptees, as they choose not to include the adoptive parents in their search. The article also suggests that you obtain your original adoption decree, amended birth certificate, and petition for adoption. Some states will allow you access to these items (all allow the amended birth certificate). However, in some states the adoption decree can only be requested by the adoptive parents.
  4. Request non-identifying information. I have two posts on this that should be helpful.Letter for Adoptees To Use When Requesting Non-Identifying Information
    Adoptee Search Tip: How Non-Identifying Information Identifies
  5. Register in every reunion registryyou can find. Make sure to look for state registries.  Another AdoptionFind post offers more on these registries and how to find them.Searching Reunion & Mutual Consent Registries
  6. Join a support group. The information shared in these groups, mailing lists and forums is abundant and worthy of your time.
  7. The final suggestion in About.com’s article is to think about using a Certified Intermediary (CI).  The only problem with this is that not all states offer this search assistance. Google on your state to see if they do.

Be sure to read the full article at Adopt.com, as it offers many links to additional information on Search Angels, the I.S.S.R national registry, and to a people search guide.  Although, none of these steps guarantees that you will find your birth parents names (as suggested at the start of the article), the information gathered with these steps may lead to your ultimately finding your family.

Personal note: I did not know my birth mother’s name until after I found my biological Uncle. He told me her name, so that it was not her full name that was crucial. It was my birth surname that aided in the search.

I found my birth name in the NYC Birth Register books. These are housed at the NY Public Library.  Check your city library to see if they have similar books, which break down births by date, and in my case, city Burroughs.  You can then look for the correct gender, and know that one of those kids is you! 

Your surname is the holy grail!

Kansas Man Finds Birth Mother After Reading about New Adoption Records Law

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A recent article from The Witchita Eagle, reports on 57-year-old Bob Fowler’s reunion with his birth mother in Kansas, after he read an article about the  availability of non-certified, pre-adoption birth certificates for adoptees in Kansas.

According to the Kansas Historical Society, “Adoption records are open to adoptees 18 years and older. The adoptee has to request the records from the Clerk of the District Court’s office in the county where the adoption occurred. An adoptee can obtain their birth certificate. Proof of identity is required. Descendants of the adoptee cannot view the records. For information about obtaining pre-adoption birth certificates please see the Office of Vital Statistics web page.”

Fowler’s story of reunion is unique because he was never really interested in finding his birth mother. He had a caring adoptive family, and a generally happy life. According to the article, his wife suggested he look for his birth mother saying,

“You might have a hole in your heart you don’t even know about.”

For his birth mother, Cheryl Allenbrand, the timing could not have been better. It turned out that Allenbrand, who  gave Fowler up for adoption when she was only 15-years-old, had buried all three of the biological children whom she raised.  Thoughts of the child she gave up haunted her.
This is a happy adoption reunion story worth reading.  It is also a reminder, that even adoptees who think they do not need to know their biological family, often find comfort and wholeness in  reunion.
The full story is here: Mother, child reunion took 57 years.

Why Adoptees Search: Videos of Hope & Reunion

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When the road is hard, and there seems no chance of reunion, why do adoptees persevere?

Today, I remind you that your journey to wholeness is possible, relevant, and necessary.  These touching videos are about adoptees who have succeeded.

Get out the tissues, as these stories are what your dreams are made of.

Adoption Reunion after 53 years:
six siblings found

Adoptee Reunites with her Mom

Tammy’s Book:
A mother & daughter reunion

Letter for Adoptees To Use When Requesting Non-Identifying Information

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feverblue/Flickr.com

Recent contact with a reader, who just decided to search, reminded me of the overwhelming confusion that even the terminology of adoption searches can bring.  Who else in the world, but an adoptee, would ever use the term  ‘non-identifying information’?

For adoptees, it is the only information that most states allow us to obtain from our sealed records.  Once you know the agency/lawyer that placed you, you should e-mail and snail mail, the letter below as soon as possible.

Be sure to include your mailing address and full contact information in the letter and email.

Warning: there may be a charge for this service.

As I posted recently, your non-identifying information will be more identifying than you think. Feel free to copy and paste this example.
———————————————————————————————

Hello:

My name is (NAME). I was born on ( DOB) in (CITY), (STATE). I was adopted at birth by (adopted parent’s names). My adoption was was handled by your agency/organization. I would like to request all non-identifying information related to my adoption, as mandated by state law.

In addition to the non-identifying information, please send me copies of all original documents with identifying info whited out, plus any photos of me from before my adoption.

Please include the following in the non-identifying information:

  • The age of my parents at the time of my birth
  • My given name at time of birth
  • My mothers weight, height, hair color, eye color, general appearance
  • Any educational information, certificates, degrees held
  • Any religious background or affiliations
  • My birthparents ethnic origins (Irish/Italian etc.)
  • The number of sisters/brothers my birthmother had at the time of my birth, plus their ages/occupations.
  • Any information on my birthparents upbringing, including places of birth, and where they resided at the time of my birth.
  • Information on chosen occupations, certifications, honors, military service
  • Any information on my birth grandparents ages/ethnic backgrounds/religion/occupations/education
  • All other non-identifying information including hobbies, talents, and interests

In addition, please examine my file to see if my biological mother and/or father placed there, a consent form granting permission to disclose identifying  information. Also please check for contact permission/consent forms. After, you reply, please place this request in my file to indicate my full permission for contact.

If the records of my adoption are no longer held by your organization, please inform me of where they are now stored.

Thank you.
————————————-END————————————————–


Illinois Law Changes Adoptee’s Lives: Original Birth Certificates Await

/ V.L. Brunskill / 1 Comment

In 2010, Illinois passed a law allowing adoptees to access their original birth certificates. According to a Chicago Tribune article this week, the subsequent influx of requests is causing a backlog at the Department of Public Heath, and a bevy of beautiful reunions.

The Tribune also reports that 5,485 adoptees have applied for copies of their original birth certificates under the law, and “according to the Illinois Department of Public Health, there are about 250,000 adoptees eligible to apply for their birth certificates.”

Below  is a video of Governor Quinn announcing the signing of Public Act 96-0895.

I am sharing this “old” news to make more adoptees aware of the law, and because the recent Chicago Tribune article  reveals a few of the amazing reunions made possible by the law.  During the 7 years I searched for my birthmother, reunion stories were a source of inspiration, and reminded me that there was a real live family at the end of the rocky road.

The Illinois Department of Public Health has a FAQ page for those who would like to request a non-certified copy of their original birth certificates.  This page also includes links to the required forms.

Search Tip: Find an Adoption Reunion Search Angel

/ V.L. Brunskill / 1 Comment

Searching for your birthfamily is time-consuming and costly. However, there are volunteers out there that will assist you with the process. They are called Search Angels.  Usually, adoptees or birthparents themselves, these volunteers offer guidance that can shorten your search by years.

sun dazed/Flickr.com

This search tip offers links to find a Search Angel, and advice on how to proceed once you do.

1. Get organized. Have all of the information you’ve gathered about your adoption ready. I often get email requests that are vague. To help,   I need the adoptees gender, plus date and place of birth. Once I have this, I can recommend specific search actions.

2. Find an angel.  Often the best place to find a reliable, useful angel is in reunion forums.  Search for local adoption reunion forums for your state as well. Also see the links listed at the end of this post.

A few national forums include:

3. Ask the search angel for references, or search  forums like those at adoption.com. Sign up for a free account to post an inquiry.  There is a current post on the support forum about a scam angel named Alex Shan.  Search your angels name in these forums, and Google their name to see if there are complaints.

4. Never share your address, or social security number with a search angel.

5. Ask about expenses. Angels are supposed to be free, but some ask to be reimbursed for travel.

6. Do not expect that a search angel will spend all of their time working on your search. Most offer advice, and tips for moving forward. Some will plug away at your search for years. Remember that a search angel is not a professional, they are volunteering to help you.

The sites below will help you find a search angel.  Of course, you should Google by state as well, (example- ‘Florida Adoption Search Angels’) since many volunteers work only in the state where they reside, or where they have search experience.

If you know of other Search Angel directories, let me know and I will add them.

Searching Reunion & Mutual Consent Registries

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Adoptees, whether you know your birth surname or not, get thee to the Internet!  With an upsurge in adoption reunion registries, more and more birth parents are posting.  This means, that the person you seek, may  already be looking for you!

After you search each of the registries, post your information on as many sites as possible.  The more places you post, the more likely you are to be found.  In every post, include your date of birth, gender, city of birth and for surname use “UNKNOWN.”

An example posting would be:

Baby Boy born 3/13/1968, 03/13/68, March 13, 1968 at New York Hospital in Manhattan, NY searching for birth family. Contact Vicki at xxx@yahoo.com

Notice, that I list the date of birth in three formats (X/XX/XXXX, XX/XX/XX and Month, Day, Year) so that it will appear in all search formats.

Use a contact email that is not temporary and keep a list of the places (and passwords) for your posts so you can update contact information as needed.  The Internet is a powerful tool.  I have used forums, reunion registries and ZabaSearch.com to facilitate several easy reunions.

In addition to private registries, many states have state run registries.  Often called ‘Mutual Consent Registries’  these registries often charge a fee. Most state registries will inform you if the information you enter (online or through a printed form) matches the information of any birth family member that is registered.

Some states also have programs similar to reunion registries called ‘Confidential intermediary (CI) programs’.  An intermediary is someone who acts on behalf of adoption triad members (adoptee, birth parents, or adoptive parents). These individuals are authorized by law to help with a search and contact other members of the birthfamily. He or she can access sealed adoption records to conduct a search. These programs protect records and those who do not want to be reunited. Therefore, consent must be obtained from both parties in order to release information and facilitate a reunion.

Available State reunion registries and intermediary programs available as of this writing include:

* Arizona: http://www.azadoptionlocator.com/111510CIDirectory.pdf

* Arkansas: (PDF form) https://dhs.arkansas.gov/dcfs/heartgallery/CFS_434_Jan_15_03.pdf

* California: http://www.dss.cahwnet.gov/cfsweb/PG1314.htm

* Colorado: http://www.cdphe.state.co.us/certs/aboutadoptionregistry.html   

* Florida: http://www.adoptflorida.com/Reunion-Registry.htm

* Georgia: http://www.ga-adoptionreunion.com/

* Illinois: http://www.idph.state.il.us/vitalrecords/adoptioninfo.htm

* Indiana: http://www.in.gov/isdh/20371.htm

* Iowa: http://www.dhs.state.ia.us/Consumers/Child_Welfare/Adoption/AdoptionRecords.html

* Louisiana: http://www.dss.louisiana.gov/index.cfm?md=pagebuilder&tmp=home&pid=116

* Maine: PDF application http://www.maine.gov/dhhs/boh/phs/odrvs/vital-records/documents/adoption-reunion-registry-application.pdf

* Maryland: http://www.dhr.maryland.gov/ssa/adoption/mutual.php

* Michigan: http://www.michigansearching.com/MCAD.htm

* Nevada: http://www.dcfs.state.nv.us/dcfs_guide_reunionregistry.htm

* New Jersey: http://www.state.nj.us/njfosteradopt/adoption/registry/

* New York: http://www.health.state.ny.us/vital_records/adoption.htm

* Ohio: http://www.odh.ohio.gov/vitalstatistics/legalinfo/adoptreg.aspx

* Oklahoma: http://www.okdhs.org/programsandservices/postadopt/docs/adoptreg.htm

* Oregon: http://www.oregon.gov/DHS/children/adoption/adopt_registry/registry.shtml

* Pennsylvania:

* Rhode Island: http://www.courts.ri.gov/family/adoptreg.htm

* South Carolina: http://www.southcarolinaadoptions.com/RegistryForm1.html

* South Dakota: http://dss.sd.gov/adoption/adoptionregistry/

* Texas: http://www.dshs.state.tx.us/vs/reqproc/adoptionregistry.shtm

* Utah: http://health.utah.gov/vitalrecords/pictures/forms/adopt.pdf

* Vermont: http://dcf.vermont.gov/fsd/vermont_adoption_registry

* West Virginia: http://adoption.childhswv.org/AdoptLaw/al_confidentb.htm

* Wisconsin: http://www.icareregistry.com/

If your state is not listed, I was unable to find a state run registry.  However, many other reunion registries exist.

The largest national reunion registries include:

Warning- do not offer any additional personal information online. You have no choice but to include your birth date. However, you should be careful not to use an email address that is an identifier. For example an email with your first and last name.  You should only include your first name and might even consider creating a g-mail or yahoo account just for search correspondence.  Criminals would love to get a hold of your birthdate, place of birth and full name. Always be sure to keep your search posts to only basic information.

Get out there today! Search and search again for reunion registries in your state and sign up for every one you can find. If you find a broken link, or know of another useful registry, please comment on this post.

Copyright 2012- adoptionfind/Vicki-lynn Brunskill

Mother and daughter reunited after 77 Years

/ V.L. Brunskill / Leave a comment

Never give up!         

dr.jd/flickr

After being raped in 1928, Minka Disbrow gave her daughter up for adoption, and thought of her every year on her birthday, for the next 77 years!

Her daughter Ruth Lee, started searching for her birthmother in her 70’s, and with her son’s help (and a court order) she found her.

A happy ending to a sad beginning.

Read the full article, “Mom reunites with biological child 77 years later” at  USA Today.com.