searching for family

Kansas Man Finds Birth Mother After Reading about New Adoption Records Law

/ V.L. Brunskill / Leave a comment

A recent article from The Witchita Eagle, reports on 57-year-old Bob Fowler’s reunion with his birth mother in Kansas, after he read an article about the  availability of non-certified, pre-adoption birth certificates for adoptees in Kansas.

According to the Kansas Historical Society, “Adoption records are open to adoptees 18 years and older. The adoptee has to request the records from the Clerk of the District Court’s office in the county where the adoption occurred. An adoptee can obtain their birth certificate. Proof of identity is required. Descendants of the adoptee cannot view the records. For information about obtaining pre-adoption birth certificates please see the Office of Vital Statistics web page.”

Fowler’s story of reunion is unique because he was never really interested in finding his birth mother. He had a caring adoptive family, and a generally happy life. According to the article, his wife suggested he look for his birth mother saying,

“You might have a hole in your heart you don’t even know about.”

For his birth mother, Cheryl Allenbrand, the timing could not have been better. It turned out that Allenbrand, who  gave Fowler up for adoption when she was only 15-years-old, had buried all three of the biological children whom she raised.  Thoughts of the child she gave up haunted her.
This is a happy adoption reunion story worth reading.  It is also a reminder, that even adoptees who think they do not need to know their biological family, often find comfort and wholeness in  reunion.
The full story is here: Mother, child reunion took 57 years.

Why Adoptees Search: Videos of Hope & Reunion

/ V.L. Brunskill / Leave a comment

When the road is hard, and there seems no chance of reunion, why do adoptees persevere?

Today, I remind you that your journey to wholeness is possible, relevant, and necessary.  These touching videos are about adoptees who have succeeded.

Get out the tissues, as these stories are what your dreams are made of.

Adoption Reunion after 53 years:
six siblings found

Adoptee Reunites with her Mom

Tammy’s Book:
A mother & daughter reunion

Letter for Adoptees To Use When Requesting Non-Identifying Information

/ V.L. Brunskill / Leave a comment

feverblue/Flickr.com

Recent contact with a reader, who just decided to search, reminded me of the overwhelming confusion that even the terminology of adoption searches can bring.  Who else in the world, but an adoptee, would ever use the term  ‘non-identifying information’?

For adoptees, it is the only information that most states allow us to obtain from our sealed records.  Once you know the agency/lawyer that placed you, you should e-mail and snail mail, the letter below as soon as possible.

Be sure to include your mailing address and full contact information in the letter and email.

Warning: there may be a charge for this service.

As I posted recently, your non-identifying information will be more identifying than you think. Feel free to copy and paste this example.
———————————————————————————————

Hello:

My name is (NAME). I was born on ( DOB) in (CITY), (STATE). I was adopted at birth by (adopted parent’s names). My adoption was was handled by your agency/organization. I would like to request all non-identifying information related to my adoption, as mandated by state law.

In addition to the non-identifying information, please send me copies of all original documents with identifying info whited out, plus any photos of me from before my adoption.

Please include the following in the non-identifying information:

  • The age of my parents at the time of my birth
  • My given name at time of birth
  • My mothers weight, height, hair color, eye color, general appearance
  • Any educational information, certificates, degrees held
  • Any religious background or affiliations
  • My birthparents ethnic origins (Irish/Italian etc.)
  • The number of sisters/brothers my birthmother had at the time of my birth, plus their ages/occupations.
  • Any information on my birthparents upbringing, including places of birth, and where they resided at the time of my birth.
  • Information on chosen occupations, certifications, honors, military service
  • Any information on my birth grandparents ages/ethnic backgrounds/religion/occupations/education
  • All other non-identifying information including hobbies, talents, and interests

In addition, please examine my file to see if my biological mother and/or father placed there, a consent form granting permission to disclose identifying  information. Also please check for contact permission/consent forms. After, you reply, please place this request in my file to indicate my full permission for contact.

If the records of my adoption are no longer held by your organization, please inform me of where they are now stored.

Thank you.
————————————-END————————————————–


Hopeful News for Oklahoma Adoptees in Search

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Oklahoma adoptees are one step closer to open records! On March 12, 2012,  Bill B 2634 passed the Oklahoma House with a final affirmative vote of  93-0.

opensourceway/Flickr.com

According to an article at newsok.com,  if passed into law, the bill will “allow adult adoptees the right to obtain original birth certificates and let birth parents fill out a contact preference form that would tell adoptees if they’d like contact, no contact or contact through an intermediary.”

Once passed, this legislation would also give birth parents the rights, to deny contact, and  fill out “a medical and social form to fill out to give to adoptees when they obtain their original birth certificate.”

While I do not agree with the opt-out option for birth parents (since we  have no ‘opt out’ option with regard to being adopted), I do see this as a giant step in the right direction. Bravo to the The Daily Bastardette Blog, for rallying everyone to get the bill passed in the House!

To keep tabs on the progress of this bill, visit this page at the  Oklahoma State Legislature site.

Adoptee Search Tip: How Non-Identifying Information Identifies

/ V.L. Brunskill / 2 Comments

Today, I want to explain the importance of obtaining a letter of non-identifying information from the agency that placed you. Of course, adoptees in search, must first figure out who handled their adoption. This could be  a lawyer, state agency, private agency, or religious organization.

GlasgowAmateur/Flickr.com

Do whatever it takes to find out which agency, lawyer, or placement provider handled your case. Ask every relative, dig through family files, the family bible, safe deposit boxes.  You might even consider volunteering to clean out your adoptive parents attic!

Once you know the agency that handled your transition, it is time to track down the current address, and contact information for that organization.  Once you have that, I recommend starting with a phone call, to ask about their policy for giving adoptees access to their  “non-identifying” information.

In most cases, agencies will provide you with a letter that includes some information on your birthfamily.  Often, you will have to make the request in writing, and there could be a fee.

You may wonder why you’d want a letter than lacks identifying information. Well, considering that you are starting at zero, this letter is a great starting point. You have no clue what your birthmother was interested in, if she was in school, what her job was, where she lived or whether or not your birth grandparents were aware of your birth.  All of this, and more is often included in a letter of non-identifying information.

When I was searching, I received my letter from the Children’s Aid Society in New York City.  My letter included the number of siblings my birthmother had, as well as the occupations of my uncles at the time of my birth.  It also revealed that she was from a “small town in Canada” and that her “father worked in a hardware/grocery store”.

Additional information revealed that my birthmother was a shy, timid girl, with blonde hair and brown eyes, and that she had no way to care for me, and gave me up so that I would have a “good family”.

While the information may seem vague, the clue that led me to my birthfamily was in that bare-bones information.  Also, tucked in my letter, was the only photo I have of me as a young infant. On the back of that photo, was a surname, one that I had heard all of my life.  My adoptive parents were told my birthname was Richards.  The photo confirmed this (as did a trip to the Birth Register books  at the NY Public Library).

I reread my letter a thousand times (0ver a 7 year period), checking and rechecking for clues, and just when I thought it was useless, my search angel asked me to read it again. I read it aloud to her, and she stopped me at the part that read, “One of your mother’s brothers was a wireless operator.”

My search angel asked me, “What’s a wireless operator?” I did not know, and she suggested that I contact the Federal Communications Commission (FCC)  in Washington, DC.  A very nice man at the FCC explained that a wireless operator in Canada would have required a license, and that I should contact the Canadian Communications Commission.

I called the CCC once, and hung up when a woman answered in French.  Later, I wrote a letter explaining that I had a medical issue, and that I was looking for a Richards male who was a wireless operator in eastern Canada during the year that I was born. I picked eastern Canada because I was born in New York.

I received a written reply in June of 1991.   There were only three Richards men who had wireless operator licenses the year I was born.  The man who wrote the reply, happened to know one of the Richards men. He wrote that  M. Richards still worked for the government, and provided me with his telephone number. M. Richards turned out to be my Uncle.

Every non-identifying letter is different. Some are  detailed, some vague, and some arrive with  secrets revealed, and even surprise photos.  There are social workers, lawyers and judges who recognize the significance of knowing your genetic history, and some will beef up non-identifying info with clues.

Get the request in as soon as possible, and make sure you check with the agency  for procedures.  Once you get your letter, look at occupations (especially those that require a license) and at schools.  Was your birthmother at an art school, nursing school, secretarial school?  How many siblings did she have? These are all revealing clues, that can narrow your search.

Of course, if you get your non-identifying information, and have no idea where to start, I am happy to give you a little advice. Feel free to email me at vbrunskill at gmail.com.

Happy hunting!

All rights reserved: Copyright 2012 Vickilynn Brunskill

RI Adoptees over 25 Years Allowed Original Birth Certificates

/ V.L. Brunskill / 13 Comments

Adoptees searching in Rhode Island take note. It was announced yesterday in the Providence Journal that any adoptee over the age of 25 can now request a non-certified copy of their original birth certificate.

TheGirlsNY/Flickr.com

According to the article, the certificates will not be released until July. However, the health department is announcing the opportunity now, so that adoptees can send in forms early.  There will likely we a deluge of applications, and the sooner you mail in your request the better.

Information on the new law, which takes effect on July 1, 2012, can be found on the State of Rhode Island, Department of Health site.  The forms for requesting your original birth certificate are available here as a Word document . The cost of the request is $20.00.  From the site instructions, it sounds like you can choose between in-person pickup and mailing of the document.  Only the adoptee themselves may receive the document. No other persons will be granted access to the certificate.

Of course, a birth certificate does not guarantee that you will find your birthfamily. However, you will have the correct names to get started.  Also, if your birthparent has filed a contact preference form, you will be sent that along with your birth certificate. This could include a contact address.

Kudos to RI legislators, as this is a giant step in the right direction! We can only hope that many more states follow suit.

UPDATE: One of our readers was kind enough to give additional information. He wrote, “Another valuable piece of information for RI adoptees to note is the RIARG group, RI Adoptee Resource Group, which provides support and resources for local adoptees in a variety of ways. This groups can be found at the following link: https://sites.google.com/site/riadopteeresourcecenter/home.” Please see the reply below by rhodeislandadopteeresourcegroup.

Searching Reunion & Mutual Consent Registries

/ V.L. Brunskill / Leave a comment

Adoptees, whether you know your birth surname or not, get thee to the Internet!  With an upsurge in adoption reunion registries, more and more birth parents are posting.  This means, that the person you seek, may  already be looking for you!

After you search each of the registries, post your information on as many sites as possible.  The more places you post, the more likely you are to be found.  In every post, include your date of birth, gender, city of birth and for surname use “UNKNOWN.”

An example posting would be:

Baby Boy born 3/13/1968, 03/13/68, March 13, 1968 at New York Hospital in Manhattan, NY searching for birth family. Contact Vicki at xxx@yahoo.com

Notice, that I list the date of birth in three formats (X/XX/XXXX, XX/XX/XX and Month, Day, Year) so that it will appear in all search formats.

Use a contact email that is not temporary and keep a list of the places (and passwords) for your posts so you can update contact information as needed.  The Internet is a powerful tool.  I have used forums, reunion registries and ZabaSearch.com to facilitate several easy reunions.

In addition to private registries, many states have state run registries.  Often called ‘Mutual Consent Registries’  these registries often charge a fee. Most state registries will inform you if the information you enter (online or through a printed form) matches the information of any birth family member that is registered.

Some states also have programs similar to reunion registries called ‘Confidential intermediary (CI) programs’.  An intermediary is someone who acts on behalf of adoption triad members (adoptee, birth parents, or adoptive parents). These individuals are authorized by law to help with a search and contact other members of the birthfamily. He or she can access sealed adoption records to conduct a search. These programs protect records and those who do not want to be reunited. Therefore, consent must be obtained from both parties in order to release information and facilitate a reunion.

Available State reunion registries and intermediary programs available as of this writing include:

* Arizona: http://www.azadoptionlocator.com/111510CIDirectory.pdf

* Arkansas: (PDF form) https://dhs.arkansas.gov/dcfs/heartgallery/CFS_434_Jan_15_03.pdf

* California: http://www.dss.cahwnet.gov/cfsweb/PG1314.htm

* Colorado: http://www.cdphe.state.co.us/certs/aboutadoptionregistry.html   

* Florida: http://www.adoptflorida.com/Reunion-Registry.htm

* Georgia: http://www.ga-adoptionreunion.com/

* Illinois: http://www.idph.state.il.us/vitalrecords/adoptioninfo.htm

* Indiana: http://www.in.gov/isdh/20371.htm

* Iowa: http://www.dhs.state.ia.us/Consumers/Child_Welfare/Adoption/AdoptionRecords.html

* Louisiana: http://www.dss.louisiana.gov/index.cfm?md=pagebuilder&tmp=home&pid=116

* Maine: PDF application http://www.maine.gov/dhhs/boh/phs/odrvs/vital-records/documents/adoption-reunion-registry-application.pdf

* Maryland: http://www.dhr.maryland.gov/ssa/adoption/mutual.php

* Michigan: http://www.michigansearching.com/MCAD.htm

* Nevada: http://www.dcfs.state.nv.us/dcfs_guide_reunionregistry.htm

* New Jersey: http://www.state.nj.us/njfosteradopt/adoption/registry/

* New York: http://www.health.state.ny.us/vital_records/adoption.htm

* Ohio: http://www.odh.ohio.gov/vitalstatistics/legalinfo/adoptreg.aspx

* Oklahoma: http://www.okdhs.org/programsandservices/postadopt/docs/adoptreg.htm

* Oregon: http://www.oregon.gov/DHS/children/adoption/adopt_registry/registry.shtml

* Pennsylvania:

* Rhode Island: http://www.courts.ri.gov/family/adoptreg.htm

* South Carolina: http://www.southcarolinaadoptions.com/RegistryForm1.html

* South Dakota: http://dss.sd.gov/adoption/adoptionregistry/

* Texas: http://www.dshs.state.tx.us/vs/reqproc/adoptionregistry.shtm

* Utah: http://health.utah.gov/vitalrecords/pictures/forms/adopt.pdf

* Vermont: http://dcf.vermont.gov/fsd/vermont_adoption_registry

* West Virginia: http://adoption.childhswv.org/AdoptLaw/al_confidentb.htm

* Wisconsin: http://www.icareregistry.com/

If your state is not listed, I was unable to find a state run registry.  However, many other reunion registries exist.

The largest national reunion registries include:

Warning- do not offer any additional personal information online. You have no choice but to include your birth date. However, you should be careful not to use an email address that is an identifier. For example an email with your first and last name.  You should only include your first name and might even consider creating a g-mail or yahoo account just for search correspondence.  Criminals would love to get a hold of your birthdate, place of birth and full name. Always be sure to keep your search posts to only basic information.

Get out there today! Search and search again for reunion registries in your state and sign up for every one you can find. If you find a broken link, or know of another useful registry, please comment on this post.

Copyright 2012- adoptionfind/Vicki-lynn Brunskill

Mother and daughter reunited after 77 Years

/ V.L. Brunskill / Leave a comment

Never give up!         

dr.jd/flickr

After being raped in 1928, Minka Disbrow gave her daughter up for adoption, and thought of her every year on her birthday, for the next 77 years!

Her daughter Ruth Lee, started searching for her birthmother in her 70’s, and with her son’s help (and a court order) she found her.

A happy ending to a sad beginning.

Read the full article, “Mom reunites with biological child 77 years later” at  USA Today.com.

Welcome adoptees, birth parents, and anyone in search.

/ V.L. Brunskill / Leave a comment

My name is V.L. Brunskill. I am an adoptee,  search angel, and a writer. I live near beautiful Savannah, Georgia, and have known my truth since 1991. After a seven year search, I found my birthmother, and after another five years,  my birthfather.

I moved south to be closer to my birth family. However, I only retain a relationship with my birth mother. I moved my adoptive mother with me to Georgia.

The decision to search for one’s birth family is wrought with emotion, and the search  is a twisting road of mystery, disappointment, elation and wonder.

Finding is a rebirth, and I have found that most of adoptees spend a myriad of time dreaming of reunion, but very little time preparing for the truth. I have helped many adoptees, by sharing the way my search unfolded (in the days before the wonderful Web), and I hope  to help many more.

This blog will share reunion stories from the news, my experiences, offer advice and help for those searching, and hopefully shed new light on being a member of the adoption triangle. The triangle includes adoptees, birth parents, and adoptee parents.

I will also share books, sites, and other resources as I discover them, in hopes that it will ease your path to wholeness.

I recently completed a novel titled Waving Backwards and will share the path to publication with you as well.

Welcome and happy reading!

V.L.